Bridal Care Unit to the rescue

Parked on the roadside at the turning from the Vanchiyoor overbridge to West Fort in Trivandrum is a red van (the kind used as ambulances)with Red Rose Beauty Care written in huge letters on it and the picture of a caucasian female with a post-orgasmic smile having her lips painted bright red. It is the capital city's one and only..wait for it...Bridal Care Unit.
That van gives me palpitations every time I pass by it. It gives you the feeling that some herbal disaster could happen at anytime in some corner of the city. What if that van doesn't get there in time? What if some hapless lass overdosed on the wrong shade of mascara and is too depressed to dial the emergency number?
I have heart attacks on the days I don't see the van there. Which near-nuptial dame choked under the strain of incorrectly organised gold chains around her neck? Were they able to resuscitate her in time? Did some home remedy go horribly horribly wrong leaving the would-be bride bleached for life?
I was reassured only after I saw the ER team behind the whole thing in a pre-movie ad. There it was..the ubiquitous red van screeching in after the bride's friends called in a case of pre-marital low-self esteem. Out jumped four dames in uniform sarees with a serious Air India hangover. The ensuing slow-motion walk with determined faces and loaded make-up kits sort of redefined goose bumps for me.
The rest of the ad was Quentin Tarantino on a high-intensity diet of warm milk and boiled rice;disturbing scenes of pouting lips and fluttering eyelids being given the once over. The most graphic scene was the groom having a stroke when the bride walks in and one half of his face slips into a coma.(In what can only assumed to be a Hitchcockian touch, the babes face is never shown in its entirety...she is all red lips and plucked eyebrows.) Frozen grimace marries red lips and perfectly lined eyebrows.
There it was ladies and gentlemen, your perfect happily ever after. The Bridal Care Unit had saved the day once again. Thank you Bridal Care Unit... I will remember you the next time someone tells me that it is a progressive society.